Sunday, August 31, 2008

gainful employment

Unfortunately, it appears that two gorgeous puppies can INDEED go broke relying on the kindness of strangers on the internet, and so it is with great dismay and reluctance that one golden retriever and one golden pilferer humbly submit their résumés for consideration.

Are you living in fetid squalor and unbearable feculence? Let the Boisterous Bulters come to your aid! Mr. Rock E. Raccon and Mr. Arthur O. Pod bring your the opulent servitude of yore, complete with bowler hat*.

Boisterous Butlers specializes in kitchen cleanup! Got dirty dishes? Especially dirty pancake dishes with gooey butter, fresh blueberries and maple syrup? Boisterous Butlers can help! Each dirty dish will be meticulously scrubbed by not one, but TWO butlers for the low price of two additional dirty dishes.

For a limited time, mention this blog when you call and get a 5 minute demonstration cleaning absolutely free! Boisterous Butlers will give your dishes that streak-free shine you crave using their patented eco-friendly water-saving methods.

Boisterous Butlers is not responsible for the whereabouts of dirty socks, stray tennis balls, or toilet paper after they are cleaned up. Customers are encouraged to purchase Under-the-Couch-or-possibly-the-Bed Insurance for an additional $5 per visit.

*Bowler hats available only by request. A two apple bowler hat fee will be charged.

Saturday, August 30, 2008


Is this brush compatible with my puppy?

The new Sonicare toothbrush is truly an innovation in canine dental hygiene, but it is not compatible with all models of puppy. Please make sure that you purchase a puppy with the NEW! enhanced greed core such as the Arthurpup Mach I. Older models such as the Rockytron Fusion Extreme do not have the enhanced greed core and are should be upgraded as soon as possible. Attempts to use the Sonicare with the Rockytron Fusion Extreme may result in baleful looks, hiding behind toilets, and frustrated shakes of the head followed by slinking away.

To ensure that the greed core is on and functioning during your Sonicaring, use a toothpaste specially designed for this purpose, such as Beef (smells like beef!) and new Seafood (smells like rotting clams!).

To avoid a potentially fatal complication, do not use the Sonicare with Beef or Seafood with human food, water not from the bathtub faucet, while sentient, or if you are pregnant or may become pregnant. Tell your doctor if you experience thoughts of suicide after using Sonicare with Beef or Seafood.