we both are so excited

'cause we're reunited. Hey, hey.Oh delightful puppy brain, how good it is to have you back! It has been a harrowing last few days as we searched fruitlessly for your return. We looked for you in the cheese drawer. We peered behind squeaky toys and underneath tennis balls. We followed up on email leads pointing us to smoked turkey and chopped liver, but they too were maddeningly unproductive. We stayed awake nights dreaming about running in lush fields of wildflowers alongside you once more.

Reader, if you are ever faced with a similar situation, do not delay. We tarried too long dillying with sliced meats and dallying with beloved toys. Feel-good holistic hogwash. The only surefire way to recover a runaway brain of the canid variety is with pure old fashioned implications of the threatening variety. My particular weapon of choice was a viewing of Plague Dogs but many purists choose to stick with the tried and true Old Yeller. Either way, coupled with a stern finger wag and disappointed head shake, it is a guaranteed formula* to recouping a rampaging noodle.

*Formula not guaranteed. May cause dizzyness, nausea, a feeling of general malaise, disillusionment, and rapid onset bawling. Until you know how Plague Dogs will affect you, you should not drive or operate heavy machinery. Call a doctor if you experience an erection lasting more than 4 hours.